Sure you may be a master cannabis grower in your backyard or spare bedroom, but how many of you mastered the fine art of cultivation from your phone?
Imagine that your friend arrives and he takes out an ounce of reggie from a nacho bag and places it on your coffee table. What do you do? You roll a blunt and smoke it.
Most of you remember The Art of Getting Stoned And Staying Awake For a 24-Hour Pokemon Tournament in which I got entirely too high and tried to navigate through the social labyrinth of Pokemon and its trainers. Well that article was actually a piece of the second episode of Super High Score with our partners at MERRY JANE.
Kids, don't try this at home.
I'm not saying don't try psilocybe cubensis mushrooms. By all means try it. In fact, I encourage it. It's surely safer than all the Ritalin and Adderall that gets shoved down your throat. Try mushrooms at home -- but just don't try them at the Electronic Entertainment Expo, better known simply as E3.
If only you guys knew how many times we reshot the scene of me smoking in the car, then you would be sincerely perplexed as to how I'm still alive today. Granted, I could be dead and all of this that I call 'reality' could be a re-imagining of what I believe reality is. I mean to create a site about video games and weed, and then to have a video series with your childhood hero is something that is too improbable to be true. If all this is indeed a farce and I died a long time ago, then let's not let all of this be in vain, stoned gamers.
I think if we say that we're extremely busy organizing the world's first stoned gaming tournament at the XO Gold Cup on October 3-4 at the NOS Events Center in San Bernardino, CA -- someone out there is going to shoot all of us in the head with a high-impact NERF gun (again).
The Stoned Gamer has been after Caviar Gold longer than the gaming industry has been demanding a remake of Ninja Gaiden -- and that's a pretty damn long time.
The experience of working in an Intensive Care Unit has taught me some pretty interesting life lessons. The first of which, all those things you see in medical dramas aren’t even close to being realistic. There's no time to run off to the supply room to fornicate with the charge nurse or have an impromptu mental breakdown because nobody appreciates you. Unfortunately there’s simply no time for such nonsense. Also, you don’t shock a person if they ‘flatlined’ or asystole -- unless you want to roast the human body on the medium well side. Don’t let television educate you on all things medical -- let TheStonedGamer.com do it.
The primary attribute of an astute stoned gamer is to discover the perfect equilibrium between being stoned and gaming, and then remain there for the rest of your natural (and unnatural) life. If one can achieve this perfect state of being, the universe will shower down cosmic rewards, usually in the form of $5 bills found in the pockets of long-forgotten jeans along with highly-discounted games nestled in the corners of Gamestop. That's what you can look towards if you're a stoned gamer, and for most the future looks bright.
In this world there are stoners, gamers, and stoned gamers. If someone you meet doesn’t fit inside those categories then you probably shouldn’t be friends with them. Besides, they will never be able to create or appreciate ridiculous pieces like the ones on our list of ‘The Top Ten Super Mario Smoking Devices That Nintendo Definitely Doesn’t Know About.'
My ex-girlfriend took all her stuff from my place, including the Nintendo 3DS and Pokemon X&Y that I bought her as a present. Therefore my mind has been stuck in this weird state in which every Pokemon I see embodies something horrible about her. That's why I was hesitant about writing this list. I knew it would ultimately lead to me stalking her Facebook page. Good thing she blocked me -- or else she would have received an awkward 'Hey! So I was just thinking about you...' message later tonight. Don't worry, I'm over her -- that's why this list of 'The Top Ten Pokemon Bongs In Pokemon Bong History' is meant for you guys, not her. It was never about her.
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