Sunday, 10 July 2016 00:00

Abandon Reality and Replace it with Pokemon Go

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We greatly under appreciate what our phones can do now. You might use your phone to receive and spread local gossip, or, you might pull out your smartphone to take pictures that nobody wants to see. I mean it, I do not want pretend to be enthralled by the selfies you took at some trendy tapas restaurant. They are grossly overcharging you for snacks. Grossly. And I refuse to love you to death, get help today. In all reality, I can’t be judgmental because I use my phone to look up things such as who that sexy lady is from the Liberty Mutual commercial. Her name is Raushanah Simmons, and whoever knows her should tell her to read this article. Hi, Raushanah.

What we sometimes fail to realize is that we have a gateway to a better planet in our pockets. Consider the incredibly hard past week we’ve had. The bombings happening around the world because a group of self-oppressed religious radicals don’t want to see anyone have any fun. Of course, the recent murders of black men by incompetent police officers has a lot of America wondering where we are headed. Granted, the world has always been a violent place and it isn’t completely the fault of the human race. Go outside right now and place an ant next to a caterpillar like you used to back in the 90s, you monster. Violence is everywhere. And Pokemon Go gives us a chance to escape this violence, even if for a moment.

I’m sure you’ve all heard of Pokemon Go by now. It’s sweeping the world and apparently a lot of people are getting injured because of it. For those of you who haven’t, let me give you a quick rundown. At least from my perspective.

Pokemon Go is a mobile app that reveals the very real Pokemon that exist in your vicinity. As a person with limited eyesight, you’ve never been able to see these creatures before the creation of this app. Unfortunately for these Pokemon, we now have a device we can use to trap and train them for our entertainment. No matter where you go, you will find Pokemon. That’s where the real beauty that I find wonderful. Yes, you might get hurt walking around your city but you must weigh your options. I would much rather die via Mack Truck while trying to add to my stable of incarcerated Pokemon than taking a bullet from a crazed gun-wielding madman.

Whether that madman is wearing a burka, or a police uniform, it doesn’t matter.

I’ve never been a Pokemon fan because I’ve never wanted to fully commit my life to constant masturbation. Seriously, remember those kids who walked around with binders full of Pokemon cards? I choose the life of binders full of women. Yet, I do understand the need to escape reality for a moment. Our ancestors would have done the same thing if they were given the opportunity to live in a world with our technology. Instead, they opened opium dens, drank strong beer, smoked marijuana, etc.. No, really. That’s why these things exist. Humans looked for a way to alleviate the plight that is to be human.

It doesn’t matter that I always thought the Pokemon franchise was stupid. I enjoy watching people enjoy themselves because not every person on this planet gets that chance. Not every person got the chance to even know about Pokemon Go much less play it. Enjoy it for them. Explore the Pokemon world for them. Just be sure to come back to our reality and make a real change for them.

Murray Coons

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